Wednesday, October 27, 2010

the approval

So today, I went back to the doctor (OB) to receive word on all the testing he ordered a month or so ago.  Apparently everything came back negative.  No lupus. No rare blood clotting disorders. No diabetes. No thyroid abnormalities. Nothing.  No explainations as to WHY the sub-chorionic hemmorhage was formed, or WHY we lost  our sweet little Sebastion.  Sigh. It's good to know that I have a clean bill of health, don't get me wrong, but it also sucks to not have any answers. 

The doc DID give the 'all clear' approval for trying again.  Not sure at this point when that may be... as for now... still taking the pill.  I have a month and a half supply left, and told D that he has a month to decide whether or not I stop taking them when they are gone, or if I get the script filled again.  The thought of actually trying, kind of scares the hell out of me.  What if?   BAH!

I want more children, I truly do.  I want Liliana to be a big sister, as she sooo looked forward to with Sebastion.  I just don't know if I would survive if we lost another baby. 

It has been over 2 months, and I am still battling with depression.  My doc actually prescribed Welbutrin to me over a month ago, but I don't really believe in medication... especially something that has to be taken on a daily basis, and will completely screw up the balance of my life... chemicals, what have you.  I didn't take them. Still have a completely full bottle in the medicine cabinet.  So, today... he thought I should give xanax a try.  hmmmm. we shall see.  Anybody have any advice as far as anti-depressants go?  I do not want to become dependant on a pill to get through my day, but I WOULD like to feel better.

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