Wednesday, October 6, 2010

My love

I haven't expressed enough how grateful I am for my love, my soul mate, my rock.
I love Derek more than I ever knew possible.
He is amazing, incredible, and a wonderful father.

Let me tell you a story...

After losing our son Sebastion, we were faced with making the decision of how to lay him to rest.  This is a decision that no parent should ever have to make.  I remember laying in the hospital bed looking over a paper that listed several funeral homes in our area... 2 of which provided services for infants, free of charge.  We chose our funeral home, based on the fact that my grandfather actually used to volunteer his time there, and my dad has a pretty good relationship with the funeral director.  The next step was deciding whether to have a burial, or to have his precious little body cremated.  I can not express what a difficult decision it was to make. I was informed by the nurses at the hospital that if we chose to bury his body, there would be no embalming.  Babies are too little for embalming.  The only thing I could think at that point was that our little baby would lay in a casket and decompose.  I couldn't handle the thought, and finally agreed to cremation.  At least with a cremation, we would have ashes to hold on to.  The week following Sebastion's passing is a big blur... small things come back to me every now and then.  I know it was a few days before we actually made the decision to bury the ashes.  Sebastion is laid to rest in Friendship Cemetary.  The cemetary just so happens to be next door to where I grew up, and my parents still reside.  Actually to go into further detail, when my parents first bought their property, they actually owned the part of the cemetary that Sebastion is buried in.  Kind of cool when you think about it.  Any how...getting back to the original thought... what makes Derek amazing....
Once we decided to bury the ashes, Derek insisted that HE be the one to dig the grave.  He believed it should be the fathers responsibility to do so for his son.  So, in his grieving, Derek dug his son's (our son's) grave... right along side with my father.  Sebastion's grave was dug with love.  And the stones that were removed from the ground, 3 of them, now reside in the homes of family. 2 of them went home to Georgia with Derek's parents, and the other is now sitting center stage on our mantel.  When we first brought it home, I couldn't bare to remove the dirt. I just sat it on the shelf in our living room, covered in mud.  Last night, Derek decided it was time to clean it... he went outside and sprayed it down with the hose, while I dusted the shelves that it had called home.  When he returned nearly 10 minutes later... he was holding a perfectly clean, beautiful stone...and had tears streaming down his face.  This was the first I had seen my Love cry in weeks.  I'm actually not sure if I had seen him cry since the funeral... he tries to stay strong, as to not bring me down. ( I have to laugh now. I cry everyday...can't be stopped)  It was good to see him grieve.  Made me fall even further in love with him... if that is even possible.
Back to the funeral...his grave was dug with love, and then too, it was buried with more.
Mommy and big sister laying flowers on the grave
Mommy, Daddy and Papa burying Sebastion's ashes
big sister helping bury baby brother
 All things considered... the day could not have been more beautiful.

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