Wednesday, October 20, 2010

October 15th...recap

I haven't been the best about updating this blog, I know... and I pretty much through the 50 day challenge straight out the window. Sorry.  (Not that many people read this anyway, but thanks to those of you who do)

My first October 15th as a baby loss mommy was spent, alone.  I was in the middle of preparing a four tier wedding cake so my precious little girl went to spend time with her great-grandmother, and my love spent the evening working.  So as I worked at home, I lit candles, took pictures, and cried.   I did, however, capture some great photos...and created a beautiful cake.

Before going to grandma's house... my daughter and I send some balloons up to heaven.

I'm finding that each passing day continues to be a constant struggle.  And I am also finding that I am dreading the holidays.  Sebastion was due to be born on December 21st, 2010.  I would should be 31 weeks pregnant. As the due date gets closer and closer, I find myself becoming more depressed.  YES, it has been 2 months, since we lost him.  2 months ago, today, since his ashes were laid to rest, and I can't help but feeling like nobody cares anymore.  When I mention his name, I feel as though others just tune me out.  (with the exception of a select few)  Like it's OLD news.  It is my goal to never let Sebastion's name be forgotten.  He IS my son, and even though he has died, my love for him never will.

I am also making it a goal of mine to try to put together a fund raiser/memory walk for this time next year.  I would like to raise money to be able to donate to local hospitals, for care packages of sorts to be given to future grieving families in their time of need.  Hopefully this is a goal I will accomplish.

1 comment:

  1. Bethany, I know exactly how you are feeling. I was due December 18. I should be just about 32 weeks pregnant right now. The holidays are going to be rough. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until January. But that is not possible so I know the next few months are going to be an emotional battle. I am here if you ever need to talk or just need someone to lean on. ((hugs)) I think the fundraiser idea is wonderful, I've been trying to brainstorm some ideas myself for October next year. Much love to you!