So after reading my last post (which I thought was very heartfelt and somewhat happy) my boyfriend asks me if I need therapy.  REALLY?!  He tells me that he knows I am not ok (duh!) and that he doesn't feel it is right for me to be taking pictures of myself crying.  My response:  photos are just a documentation.  This is a time in my life that I do not want to forget (not that I ever think I will).  I also told him that I regret not taking more photos of Sebastion when we had the chance, so NOW I take photos of anything and everything to make up for it.
This is not a bashing on my man (whom I LOVE beyond control)  just something I needed to get off my chest, as is with most of my ramblings that I post here, that only a select few of you actually seem to read... I am considering starting a new blog and keeping it private, so that I really CAN just let everything pour out... perhaps that could be therapy.  I still limit myself with what I put out there on this blog for fear of saying the wrong thing and hurting someone's feelings.  (Who knows, people could actually be reading this without being one of my 10  followers. (A couple of those in which have never even said hello.))  Just a thought.  Someday maybe. 
Anyhow, on a happier (?) note... the crying has become fewer and farther between... I have begun to enjoy the little things in life again, and can't get enough of spending time with my spectacular daughter... without her, I would be completely lost.  (I've said it before, and I will say it til the day I die).   I love my family, I just wish that there wasn't a piece of it missing.  And for that matter, I wish that there wasn't a hole in my heart.