Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Time seems to move forward so quickly, and yet I feel like I am stuck in a time warp all at once.  I can't believe it has been 6 months since we lost him.  I still haven't quite figured out how to live this life.  I have been hiding underneath a rock for most of those months.  I do keep busy, don't get me wrong... too busy actually.  Idle time just makes me more depressed, therefore I don't ever seem to relax.  And it is taking it's toll on me.  I am exhausted.  Completely.  And the love of my life is exhausted with me for it.  I have a hard time getting past the guilt that I feel when I feel happy.  That probably doesn't make sense to most people.  But I DO feel guilty when I feel good.  My son died... how on earth am I supposed to feel happy again?  Make the guilt stop. Please.  Before it destroys my love.

I wanted to upload some photos from the weekend, and the things that we did to honor our son, but for some reason, I can't.  The internet is not being my friend today, or yesterday.  Everytime I go to a new page it tells me that a script will not load... and when I try to upload simply fails.  Meh. 

Soooo... instead, I will go back to running more virus scans and disecting the computer to try to fix the problem... which most likely will lead to calling my computer tech geekie friend who usually comes to the rescue in times like these:)

1 comment:

  1. Love you. ((hugs)) ♥ Sebastion ♥ The guilt is normal (or at least that's what I am told) I feel it too :(