Thursday, February 17, 2011

Bring on the sunshine!

I am so unbelievably excited for spring.  Perhaps fresh air is what I needed along... it's giving me that nudge I needed to try and come up out of this funk.  I am so excited to see sprouts coming out of the ground... flowers, caterpillars, butterflies... LIFE.  I want to see color, smell the fresh scents on the air, and feel my toes in the grass.  Blow bubbles with my daughter,  feed the goldfish, go fishing, and have picnics with my son. Today was the first day in months I did not need a coat to visit his grave... nor did I have to wade through snow, or skate around on top of ice. 

On Valentines Day (when we did the balloon release) I had also taken a balloon on a stick to place at his grave, but the ground was still frozen so I couldn't get the darn thing in the ground, and the wind was so strong that it was ripped from my hands and there was no way I could chase after it holding onto my daughter, and the balloons, trying not to fall on the ice.  Today I bought a candle holder for him and decided to deliver it on the way to my parents.  Lily had fallen asleep on the drive, so I actually had the chance to hang out for awhile.  I listened to Let it Be on my ipod and sang my heart out to my baby boy, while the tears flowed.  It felt good. Honestly.

  I also found the balloon trapped in the corner of the cemetery, next to the fence.

I am really a fan of having a candle there... thought never even occurred to me until I saw it in the store today.

I figure if anyone else goes to visit him, they can light a flame while there.  It blew out at least half a dozen times today...the cemetery is actually located at the highest point in our county, which means there is almost always a wonderful breeze... incredibly windy at times even... but that also means that sitting at Sebastion's grave is also the most beautiful place to watch the sunset.

It felt so good to watch the sunset with him again.   

 And after the sun had set, the reflections on the clouds were brilliant:)

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