Beer, pizza, and pain pills...

Again... it's been a bit since I've taken the time to type something up... I think about it, and then I end up reading the ramblings of others, whose lives just seem more interesting than my own... a bit of an escape from my own personal hell, if you will.

By the way.... I WON I WON I WON!  I couldn't be more excited about 25 days of giveaways.. AND the fact that I ACTUALLY won an AMAZING (amazing amazing amazing) gift. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! I seriously can not wait to receive the canvas of Sebastion's last ultrasound in the mail so that I can cry as I hang it up in our home.  Not that I'm looking forward to the crying part, it's just inevitable.  I cried in wal-mart the other day as I was in the craft department... stoooopid christmas music. (ok, I was also looking at the most perfect scrapbooking set: newborn baby boy, complete with giraffes)  The waterworks just came a flowing, and random people were staring at me like a crazy person.  Go figure.  One of these days I am going to explode on an inocent bistander, and then, when I'm finished screaming and crying... I will laugh. And it will feel good.

I'm trying really hard to come up with the PERFECT gift for my Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope gift exchange partner... I now have less than a week to get it mailed out, and haven't even started making it, nor purchased the supplies to do so... would probably help if I could make a decision as to what I'm planning... Apparently I am indecisive.  Extemely indecisive.

Beer and Pizza are yummy... pain pills, at times are necessary.  This would be one of those times.  I am still questioning the decision to take birth control pills.  For some reason, even though they are intended to REGULATE periods, this is the second time in the past 3 months that I have started over a week EARLY.  WTF?  and last month, I was a few days late...what gives?  I think I was regulated more with out the darn things.  And every time I swallow one of the mini little baby preventers... I stare at it and think, "Why?"  Why the hell am I killing my chances of having another baby?  Damn it.  I want Sebastion back!!! 

After a week, we finally managed to take Sebastion's tree out to the cemetary.  They actually make solar powered strands of LED christmas lights...who knew???  I can't wait to see what the tree looks like when it is actually lit up:)

Sebastion's star

One of MANY tiny ornaments

Daddy securing the tree so it won't blow over

Love you baby boy... 

It will look so much better  once we get a headstone...haven't been able to bring myself to look at them yet...some day.