i am still here...

Awhile back I had made a post about our little man's name being misspelled...  Well the ever so lovely Carly Marie went back to Christian's beach and wrote Sebastion's name again:)  here is the link: Sebastion's name in the sand... Beautiful huh?  I do not own the rights to the photograph, therefore  I will not post it here...someday maybe.  I also placed the order to have Sebastion's treasure beans sent home yesterday:)  Exciting!  They will be a lovely addition to the mantel.  I have been quiet for awhile, I know.   This new year has hit me harder than I had anticipated.  For some reason I had the idea in my head that it would be a fresh new start and that magically the pain would subside and I would be a happy go lucky person again.  HA! was I wrong!  The pain is still just as bad as ever, and with the 6 month mark coming up, my heart continues to break.  Babies continue to be born all around me, and it seems each week brings another pregnancy announcement.  I am happy for all my friends, co-workers, aquaintances.... but YES, I am jealous too.  I miss him so much.  I could never explain it.  I do not think I will ever get used to this void.  I wonder how much he would look like his sister... if he would have had a full head of hair (she was bald until the age of 2)... would he have gotten my freckles?  his daddy's smile?  Sigh.