It is now only a matter of weeks until Sebastion's first birthday in heaven. It all just seems so UNREAL. Today, we are supposed to be attending a family reunion for Derek's side of the family. The same family reunion that we attended last year while I was still pregnant... still oblivious to the life that was set out before me. It was a nice time spent with his family, and D's cousin who was due with her first child 2 days after me. She had just found out she was having a girl, and we had known for awhile that we were expecting a boy. We talked of how great it would be that our kids could grow up together. Oh. I f only that were true. I do not know if I can go today. Surely, the beautiful little 7 month baby girl will be there in all her drooly, teething, growing, meeting milestone glory. Every time I look at her, it is kind of like a kick in the face. Harsh? Perhaps. But it does hurt. I miss him so.
I am still trying to decide what to do for Sebastion's birthday. I DO know that I would like to release balloons at the cemetery along with a graveside family picnic. I have been planning to donate my hair in his honor for about six months now, and I think I will actually make my appointment for the day before... some special little child will be receiving a LOT of hair:) I also had planned on getting his memorial tattoo for his birthday, but circumstances have changed, and the tattoo will have to wait! I would also like to donate at least one memory box to the hospital where he was born, but I have yet to start on putting it together... guess I should shopping huh?